It's May!

[pockysquirrel]

 And May is Mental Health Month, so it's time for my annual offer to make use of my education and chosen career for the general benefit of fandom. Ask me about mental health stuff, friends list! I will answer anything put to me, to the best of my ability. That means both fandom-related stuff ("Do you think [insert character here] could have [insert psychiatric condition here]", "How can I portray mental health issues more accurately in my fanfic?" etc.) and IRL stuff ("What's your opinion of this antidepressant medication?" "Is this an issue I should be seeking help for?" "I'm worried about my friend/family member, what can I do?") and anything in between.

If you feel more comfortable asking something privately, send me a PM or comment anonymously. But unless you flat-out ask me not to, I will be posting answers publicly. Because chances are, if you're asking, you're not the only one it's relevant to.

So let's raise some awareness, kick stigma to the curb, and perhaps even have a little fun, eh? 

Comments

[punkpinkpower]

Hmm... oh the places I could go with this.

I think I will ask two- one RL, and one Fandom.

My mom has body image issues. She is stick thin, always has been, has never had to try, right? And you've met me- I'm overweight, but not morbidly obese... like she says I am. She has called me obese several times. I have always wondered, from a professional POV, what causes her to blow my weight out of proportion. Is it her own thinness that has skewed her perceptions? Is it that she's prejudiced because she's never had to work at being thin? Why does she act like I am morbidly out of proportion when in actuality I'm closer to the mean and she's too thin? And what are some ways I can curb this behavior in a 62 year old woman? I don't want to deal with this for the rest of our (her) lives.

Fandom: Do you think growing up in the Samurai clans might have felt a little cultish to the rangers? Like, do they feel brainwashed into the duty? Some more than others? Do they ever realize, after defeating Xandred for good, how unhealthy some of the things they were told as children were? I mean really, how could "You will be a Samurai, you will have children, you will be the ones to defeat the most evil thing ever even though generations before you have died trying" would effect a kid? What could the permanent repercussions be?

You're lovely for doing this. <3 Yay mental health.

First question

[pockysquirrel]

It's always tough to make an accurate assessment of what's going on with someone based on secondhand information, and behavior like what you're describing could come from any number of places. Best case scenario, if she's naturally small and has never had a problem with her weight, she could legitimately (if erroneously) see you as heavy and be reacting out of tactless but genuine concern. Worst case scenario, we're looking at someone with an undiagnosed eating disorder, body dysmorphia, and/or a personality disorder, any of which could result in distorted body image, rigidity of thinking, and excessive criticism. Or any number of points on the spectrum in between. Without knowing more about her and your relationship with her, I couldn't say with any certainty. But the 'why' is really far less important than what you do about it.

I'm a firm believer in the axiom that hell is other people. You wouldn't believe the number of people I deal with on a day-to-day basis - both professionally and personally - who are massively unhappy because one or more people in their lives just won't behave the way they want them to. The simple fact is that you cannot change someone else's behavior. You cannot do it, and trying is as futile and painful as banging your head against a brick wall. What you CAN change is your own response to other people's behavior.

The situation with your mother is a prime example of this. She's doing something that bothers you, and she's persistently doing something that bothers you. So it falls to you to start setting some limits. Begin by explaining to her in a clear, calm, and concise way that you find her comments hurtful, that your weight is no one's business but your own and your doctor's, that you'd prefer not to have that conversation with her anymore, and pretty much that you're not willing to listen to it anymore. And then comes the tough part. You stick to it. When she tries to push back, you don't let her. She brings it up, you remind her what you said before and change the subject. She continues badgering, you end the conversation or excuse yourself. Ultimately this may mean having less contact with her, which is tough, but worth it to avoid that negativity. And ultimately, one of two things will happen. She'll get the hint and give up, or you'll get exceptionally good at putting the kibosh on it. Either way, you'll find yourself having to listen to it a lot less.

And second question

[pockysquirrel]

The unfortunate reality about growing up in a dysfunctional situation is that you often don't have much, if any, concept of how unhealthy it is until you get older or get some real outside perspective about what other people's upbringings are like. Some people, sadly, never do get that concept.

I think it had to have been something like this for the Samurai Rangers, or at least certainly some of them more than others. But at the same time, there seems to be an element of choice present in some of the backstories as well.

If any one of them figured it out first, had the thought "Hey, this is fucked up and I'm not going to let anyone tell me how to live", it was Mike. He is clearly the one out of all of them who tried the most aggressively to have a 'normal' life, and he grieved the loss of that when he was called to become a Ranger and fight. I think he is a Ranger not because his family expects it of him, but because he realized after he set eyes on the Nighlok for the first time how important this actually was. For similar reasons, he's probably the one who adjusts back to a civilian lifestyle the easiest after Xandred is defeated.

Kevin is also one who we see clearly trying to have a life outside of his destiny as a samurai. We also see the massive amount of pressure his family puts on him to abandon that life because being a Ranger is more important. And Kevin totally caves to that pressure. He makes a choice, sure, but the choice he makes also means totally buying into the propaganda, for lack of a better word.

Emily, man, it had to have been interesting for her. If Mia and her brother are any indication, there tends to be less pressure and "OMG destiny" bullshit directed toward the younger sibling in a samurai family. They have a bit more freedom than the older sibling does. But then Serena fell ill and nobody had planned for that. Emily is so motivated by her family. Not motivated to please them or honor them like Kevin, but motivated to take care of them and protect them. Save Antonio, she's probably the one with the most actual agency when it came to becoming a Ranger, and I think she's healthier for it.

Mia, though. I'm pretty sure she drank the proverbial Kool-Aid. There's no questioning from her. There's no rebellion from her. The only thing she ever outright says she wants from her future is...to get married and have a family. As a samurai is supposed to. She's a Samurai Ranger and that's that. Outside Jayden, she's probably going to have the most difficulty coming to terms with having been released from her obligations.

Jayden and Lauren, as we know, are just hot hot messes. There is literally nothing else for them BUT the life of a samurai. They were so sheltered that they don't even know what they were missing. With Jayden at least we see some efforts made by Antonio and later Ji to mitigate the effects of that, but when the series ends, what has Lauren got to go back to? Particularly since she had one job, and when push came to shove, she failed?

The DSM-IV, in describing the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, uses a phrase that I like a lot, and that resonates for me with these characters. And that phrase is, "a sense of a foreshortened future". It's basically a belief, expressed consciously or unconsciously, that you will never have a long, healthy, or normal life because of what you've experienced. We see in canon that he is utterly lost after Xandred is defeated, because he has literally never thought beyond that point. I think, particularly since Lauren was always waiting in the wings to take over as the 'real' Red Ranger, that he fully expected to follow in his father's footsteps and die in battle against the Nighlok. But now Xandred's dead and he's alive, and he's left without any sense of purpose, facing a life he never thought he'd have.

Imagine how terrifying that must be.

And that's true of all of them, though it's by far the worst for Jayden. Though I assume it was only the Red Ranger who fell in the last battle with the Nighlok, The other four MUST have grown up hearing the story. They MUST have gone into their own service as Rangers knowing how easily it could be any of them meeting the same fate. And then once that threat is over, well, I imagine it's the same sort of adjustment process that members of the military face when they return home from their service. It is a process. And it's one that some people navigate more easily than others.

The reactions can run the gamut.

Anger - Picture Mike storming into his parents' house and railing at them for making him give up the best years of his life for their stupid war.

Depression - "I used to be the one saving the world every day. Now what good is my life?"

Anxiety - "What the hell do I do now?"

Problems with interpersonal relationships - Picture Mike trying to pick up where he left off with his friends and being spurned because he ditched them. Picture Kevin trying to get back into competitive swimming, but no team wants him because of his long and unexplained hiatus. Picture any of them realizing that they don't have any relationships outside their families and their team - they were never able to make any before.

And the worst case scenario...I hate to say this, but I think the Shiba kids are at high risk of suicide, for the reasons I enumerated above. I think the real reason Ji has been foisting things like guitar lessons and road trips on Jayden since Xandred's defeat is that he saw what Jayden could have done to himself when Lauren showed up and he felt he wasn't needed anymore. (And really, couldn't that whole debacle easily have turned into a Deker-assisted suicide?) Ji got scared, and now he's trying to undo the damage he himself caused. But really, I think he's worrying about the wrong Shiba. Jayden at the very least has his ties to the team - particularly Antonio - to keep him safe and somewhat sane. Lauren, though...she lacks those bonds and I can easily see her coming to a bad end.

...Fuck, now I've made myself sad AND given myself plot bunnies.

Re: And second question

[punkpinkpower]

This is all fucking fantastic and plays into so many of my headcanons and fic ideas, oh man.

Bunnies. Bunnies everywhere.